7 Months

Although I have been at this adoption for over a year, I really have to start counting it when my dossier went in to Russia which is now 7 months. So, I'm 7 months along. Technically, at 9 months I would be delivering but I know that my months and God's months are not in synch so I will continue to wait on Him. I did receive news from my agency that the papers have been signed and that is what I have been waiting on. The day I received the email I cried. Actually, I couldn't stop crying for awhile. They were tears of happiness, tears of relief and tears of oh my goodness I'm going to be a mommy! To say the least it was a nice Christmas present from God. I love how He works in my life. He is the best because He knows me inside and out. He knows when I need to hear just hang on, He knows when I need to be hugged, He knows when I'm trusting in Him. He knows it all. Sometimes I think that He shakes His head at me but this one thing I know He never, not in a million years, will give up on me. How Great is Our God? Really, Great!

Through Faith

I just finished watching my Beth Moore bible study segment and I must say that each time I do a segment, finish a section, or study my lessons God's timing is perfect! I mean consider the fact that this bible study was written in 2003 and now four year later I'm doing it. I didn't even know who Beth Moore was back then but that was all part of His plan. He knew exactly when to bring her into my life because He was going to use her in a mighty way and that He is doing. Today we talked about a through faith. Sometimes God can come in and miraculously do His God thing but there are times when He wants us to go through it with faith. Why? Because just on the otherside is a promise to be fulfilled. He wants to make us a mighty warrior for faith conquers kingdoms. I've always believed in God and I have seen what He can do in my life many times over. What I have learned over the past year is that it was just not enough to say I believed in Him for He wants me to know it in my heart. HE WILL NOT FAIL ME. So while the question still looms out there about whether or not Russia will accredit any more agencies, He wants me to know that He WILL NOT FAIL ME. So I will continue pressing though with faith because the promise is on the other side.

The Grace to wait

It takes grace to wait and right now I'm needing a lot of it. However, while I'm waiting and even though it might look like God is not even listening to me, He is still working. As of right now, my agency is still not accredited. The good news is that there were some agencies which did get accredited last week. Last week these agencies received the news. My agency was also supposed to be in this batch but wasn't. So, I find myself still waiting. The best part about God is this...when I give up He still forges ahead because He will accomplish what He set out to do in the first place. I take great comfort in knowing that He is in control. I can get upset and throw my little fit, which I sometimes do, but I'm choosing not to. I'm waiting for God on this. As Jayne, my best friend and Mimi to my daughter, says God wants to give us the desires of our hearts. As I have learned this weekend, yes He does but you really need to listen to the first part of that verse Delight yourself in me and I will give you the desires of your heart. Our focuse should be on Him and not on our desires. You know when I'm not concentrating on getting my daughter and my focus is shifted to Him the waiting doesn't bother me. When I focus on Him I understand that it is about Him, about His timing, about His plan that needs to be fulfilled in my life, I'm trusting Him and He is the one that really matters. He knows the perfect time for the desires of my heart and if I keep on trusting Him what He will give to me will be so much more then if I had try to force it. So, for all those expecting parents that are out there waiting, look to Him for the grace to wait.

Persevere

You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.
Okay so my iGoogle has been stuck on this verse for 2 days. The last time it was stuck on a verse for 2 days it was a sifting that I had to go through. I hate being sifted. However, I do know that in the end I will come out much better then when I started. We (meaning the agencies awaiting accreditation) go new that accreditation could be signed by November 15th. I'm not holding my breath but I will persevere. I have decided that I'm not going to ride the emotional roller coaster anymore because well it is just too hard. I have no control over this but my God does. He can take this and do wonderous things which I have already seen Him do. So yes, I will keep persevering through the storms with my eyes fixed on Him because my daughter waits for me at the end!

Joy Cometh

It is now almost well pert near the end of October and my agency is still awaiting accreditation as are several other agencies. What is the hold up Interpol and a signature. Meanwhile children are sitting in an orphanage. My dossier has been submitted for 6 months which means I'm 6 months pregnant and HORMONAL! You know I thought that I was going to miss out on that side effect of pregnancy but not me. I'm not a waiter, never have been but God is really trying His best where I'm concerned. Last Saturday, I had a heart to heart conversation with my partner in crime who also went through adoption with her/our daughter. She said you know I would never wish these feelings on anybody especially you my best friend. There are so many highs and lows with adoption as I'm sure there is with a pregnancy. It has consumed my life and I just want to say I don't like it one bit! So we did the only thing that we can do which is pray. I cried all the way home. The next morning I just didn't even want to get out of bed. I had to sing at a church that night and I just didn't even feel like do that! I felt on the edge and I felt like I had nothing left to give. I made myself go to cantata practice and wouldn't you know it. He was waiting there for me! Who God! I was informed by the director of the cantata that a song which was originally taken out was going to be put back in and I would be singing it. What song? How Great is Our God. I still get salty discharge as I think back on that. Once again He swooped down and rescued me from jumping in that pit. Once again as I laid my head on my pillow I asked forgiveness for not trusting in Him, His timing and most of all His endless love for me. Weeping my endure for the night but JOY COMETH. I've only tasted a small portion of that joy because I know that it will overflow the day they put my daughter in my arms. JOY COMETH, JOY COMETH!

You mean you don't have her yet?

Okay so I'm in October 2007 and I have been at this for a year now. The question I get asked most is "Do you have your little girl yet?" To which I want to reply, "Oh my gosh where did I leave her!" No, I still don't have her yet. If you are involved in adopting from Russia you know that accreditation is a term that means everything to the adoption world. Right now 13 agencies are accredited however, mine is not one of them. Why? Something to do with signing of papers and God's timing. So over the course of the past year I have been through a myriad of highs and lows and some in between. Yes, it will happen. Someday she'll be here but I don't know when. So in the mean time I have to redo my papers which are going to expire at the end of this month and hope and pray that I don't have to redo them again! I'm still hoping and praying that she'll be here before Christmas but that would be a miracle on in which I know that God can pull off if He so chooses to do so. I believe that He is capable of snapping His big fingers and everything will change in the twinkling of an eye!
If you believe in me and my word remains in you then anything you ask will be given. Need I say more. Yes, my timetable and His timetable are two different things.

I Take it Back- End of June and into July 2006

One of the hardest things in my life is letting God be in control. I have a control issue. Yes, I know it is hard to believe if you know me. (I'm being sarcastic) Anyway, after we decided that God was leading us to Russia guess what? I go and start second guessing Him. I start thinking that maybe I should try having a child myself. Right there would be a miracle because I have so many problems female wise. I mean who wouldn't want to have a child with my genes? I would like to point out that this only lasted a week and then I was smacked back on track. I realized that even if I could conceive I would have a 50/50 chance at having a girl and trust me that was not an odd I wanted to play with. There is nothing wrong with boys it is just I wanted a girl.
So, now I have made it into July and in search of an agency to help me. I found one that was two hours away but the chances of them taking me as their client was slim because I was outside of their radius. I decided to try anyway. They called and said that they would and could do it. I was thrilled! I was then assigned my case worker and they said that I wouldn't be meeting with her until the middle of August! Okay, right there I should have started looking again but I didn't. So meanwhile the month of July was spent dreaming about this little girl that would soon take her place in our lives. One day in the pool my best friend, the one I have been referring too I'm going to give her a name, Thelma, she and I were talking about names. She asked me if I had a name picked out and without hesitation I said "London". Thelma looked at me and said it is beautiful. Ever since that day we have referred to our Russian princess as London. Today, we talk about London's room or when London gets here. To us she is real. To us she exists. God knows where she is and in His timing will bring her home one day.